Gifted with FAS

Nathanael's Experience
April 14, 2003

"Gifted" heh, what a crock couldn't they think of a better name for it...I'm just a little bitter.

I spent my early school years a grade or two ahead, I'd cry my way through homework, or given longer projects it took constant parental supervision to get me to work at all. I finished off my parents ability to try and make me work by 4th grade, a week spent writing a sentance an hour broke them. I spent the rest of my school career jumping from school to school, which is really the only way I made it as far as I did.

I have almost never met a teacher equiped to deal with a child who lacks the feeling of acomplishment for work done, I don't think anyone who isn't afflicted understands what that's like. I'm angry and sad now when I think of how much guilt and shit got spewed at me along the way. It's not right when in fifth grade your mom has become so frustrated with you she poses the question "if your families life was dependant on you doing homework what would you do?" and you realisticly can't answer, because you know the feeling (I need to name it, maybe some other ppl could help me figure out what to call the emotional rush and frustration that cripples us in work situations) will well up and tear you down the second you try.

I gave up, I did homework maybe 20 times between 4th and 10th grade (wow I hate people, how the F can you discount a child as lazy), I dropped out half way through my 10th grade year and began working, and going to JC I got into due to high test scores at an alternative school I was attending. My college career wasn't much more spectacular than HS, but at least I finally got to get back to actually learning.

Then I found computers, I started working with them at 16, by 18 I was making the payments on my parents house and making 40k a year, till the "depressive" symptoms cost me my job, before I could get fired (yeah they gave me a "chance", I never had one to begin with) I moved to california, where I've started (after losing two amazing jobs in Sick Valley) to understand why I am this way.

I'd like to thank parents on behalf of the kids you care for...thank you and don't give up.

Nathanael