 |
Childhood memories are grim
When Linda was born, she smelled of alcohol from the ethanol bath she was developing in inside her mother's womb.
Linda says her mother was raped, and drank to hide her shame. The identity of her father is unknown.
Linda was adopted on the reservation. Not long after she was born, her birth mother died from cirrhosis of the liver, she said.
Her memories of childhood are grim. All her life, she rocked and sucked her fingers, to comfort herself. At night, she would bang into the walls. She says she had to sleep on the floor her entire life, so she wouldn't wake the rest of the family.
"They used to tie my hands together so I couldn't suck my fingers," Linda recalled.
School was difficult for her, as well. "I was in special ed because I had a hard time concentrating. I never really had any friends because I was different. They thought I was stupid or retarded because they saw me with others way worse than me. Kids would make fun of me."
Linda first heard the words "fetal alcohol syndrome" at 12, when her adoptive parents explained to her that her mother drank during pregnancy.
"I really didn't understand what it meant. Back then, FAS was never talked about."
When she was 17, Linda went to an FAS workshop, hungry for information. "I've done a lot of things I didn't know why, and this sort of helped explain it. At times I'm not aware of the things I do or say, and it's hard to understand big words. I have a problem knowing who is a good person and who isn't."
As Linda learned more about FAS, she grew angry at her birth mother.
"I'm working on trying to forgive my birth mom," she said. "I understand why she did what she did - I guess, because she was raped - but that's still no reason. I'm still mad at her, but I've been doing my best to try and forgive."
Linda had her first drink at 16. "I really don't like the taste of it. The feeling of being drunk was scary to me, like I would die if I closed my eyes."
She drinks occasionally, but knows it's not good for her.
[NEXT]
|
|
