Southern Arizona Online, a publication of the Tucson Citizen

Finding homes for alcohol-affected kids tough

Outwardly, they are the sweetest angels, with eyes and smiles that melt hearts.
But the two brothers are awash in a sea of emptiness, looking for a life preserver.
At 4 and 6, these victims of fetal alcohol syndrome have no family to call their own.
Three times, they have been placed with families that wanted to adopt them.
Three times, they have been returned.
"They are so cute," said Carol Punske, mental health specialist with Arizona's Child Protective Services. "Most people would think, 'if I bring them in my home and give them love and good mental health services, it will work.'"
But the children have poor impulse control and poor judgment. One has a difficult time forming attachments.
"It wears people down over time because their defects are enduring," Punske said of children with FAS and the lesser known fetal alcohol effects.
Now Punske and other social workers must decide what to do with the two brothers.
"We have to figure whether we should try and place them again," Punske said. "We want to keep them together; they're bonded with one another, and you would hate to separate them. But one child is not as difficult as his brother, and he could probably be successfully adopted on his own. It's an extremely difficult, gut-wrenching situation we're faced with."
Many children with FAS and FAE end up living away from their parents. Often, mothers who give birth to FAS children are dead within a few years, and the children are adopted.
And mothers who give birth to FAE children are often unable to care for them.
Punske said it is difficult to find foster or adoptive homes for children with FAS and FAE.
Although CPS does not have custody of a large number of FAS children, "we have many children with prenatal exposure to alcohol," she said. "They don't meet the criteria for FAS, but they certainly have all the problems."
Punske said prospective foster or adoptive families worry whether they have the resources to parent these children, who generally have learning deficits, impaired judgment and poor impulse control.
"Parents are wary of taking a child who's been exposed prenatally to alcohol or drugs. Most adoptive parents aren't looking for a child with a disability," Punske said.
"These children require special kinds of placement with families who know they're not acting out because they are bad," she said. "They require much more supervision and much more assistance with education. There are not many families willing or able to care for a 10-year-old who can't play outside without supervision."
Rosanne Webster helps connect prospective adoptive families with children who are in CPS custody.
Webster is an adoptions social worker for St. Nicholas Adoptions, operated through Catholic Social Services. St. Nicholas finds permanent homes for children ages 5 and up. Last year, the agency placed 137 children, said Nancy Larison, St. Nicholas program director.
Webster believes 95 percent to 100 percent of the children who come to the agency were exposed to alcohol or drugs in the womb.
She teaches prospective parents about FAE, and prepares them for what to expect. Most families have never heard of FAE.
"I don't want to scare families, but I want to be realistic," Webster said.
She prepares them for the behavior problems that may come with prenatal alcohol damage, and teaches families how best to deal with these children.
"You have to do a lot of behavior management, and get teachers on board," she said. "You have to keep directions simple, and hold their faces when you talk to them, making eye contact. You have to speak in a soft voice, but keep it low and firm."
Some of the children have spent their lives in the CPS system, and are angry.
"They hurt and they grieve and they have loss and they mourn, but they mask it," Webster said. "That's why they act out sometimes. They're trying to deal with feelings they can't understand."
But she also tells prospective families of the differences they can make in the lives of these children.
"I compare these children to oranges," she said. "You have to take time to peel away the garbage other adults have laid on them. When you take all that away, they come out like little blossoms. But parents have to be patient, and chip away at the junk. It is so worth it."

[NEXT]