Sometimes I think people forget who the birth mothers are.  Some of them are alcoholics; some of them are "social drinkers."  The research indicates that the practicing alcoholics are more likely to have babies with full FAS; the social drinkers are likely to have children with FAE; and alcoholics who quit when they finally realize they are pregnant may have children with either full FAS or with FAE.

More than 50% of women of childbearing age drink.  Most birth control is not "safe" (unless your tubes are tied, there is always a substantial risk of pregnancy).  More than half of all pregnancies are unplanned.

The research that Dr. Clarren did when he went back and surveyed the birth mothers shows that at least half of them are FASD themselves.  100% of them were victims of abuse.  Dr. Clarren said that the interviewers became physically sick just listening to the birth mothers tell their stories.  A doctor who spoke at a FEN conference in Wisconsin a few years ago stated that at least 90% of birth mothers were victims of sexual abuse.

If we don't want others to hold our children accountable for behavior that is not in their control, then we have to remember that many of the mothers are in that group we call "our children" and we should judge them with the same measure that we want others to judge the children we are raising; that is, with compassion and understanding based on facts and research.

Dr. Clarren said that he has not met one mother who intended harm to her child.

Many of us "normal" people make judgments of those who have a problem with alcohol abuse without really understanding the problems of alcoholism.  There are some who are recovering alcoholics who are just as judgmental, assuming that if they could stay sober during pregnancy, so could others. But we have to realize that some people are given the gift of recovery and others are not.  Some of us are given the gift of successful sobriety and others are not.  I know of some birth mothers who try so hard to stay sober, and they truly CANNOT.  Sometimes they can maintain, and sometimes they can't.  Sometimes our children can maintain safe behavior, and sometimes they cannot (because of various factors, including neurochemical imbalance, role models, environmental stress, etc.)  We cannot tell them to "just try harder" - we need to do the same for them that we want done for our kids.  We need to provide the kind of guidance and long-term treatment and safe environment that will ensure successful sobriety during pregnancy and the following years.  Ann Streissguth has described a wonderful program that provides mentorship for the birth moms.  Some court systems provide "family care" for the birth moms - a foster home for the child and the mother together so they can learn what they have never been taught, how to be a healthy parent and live a healthy lifestyle.  If we had any idea of the lives that some of the birth mothers have lived, and the limitations imposed by their brain dysfunction, we would not be so harsh in our judgments.

I am not letting birth mothers off the hook.  I’m just saying lets get all the facts before we make judgments.  I’m not in favor of compulsory sterilization, but I definitely support encouraging alcoholic women who cannot maintain sobriety to undergo tubal ligation.  But first we need to give them a real chance to recover if they truly want to, and not just lock them up and point fingers at them.  I suggest that anyone who questions my opinion read the transcript of Dr. Sterling Clarren's keynote speech from the Yukon Conference last May. 

In response the previous article, someone posed the following question:  “That being said I do feel a lot of anger about women who produce multiple FASD children.  But I'm not sure my anger is all directed at the mother.  What is society doing about it?”

Well I know that taking their babies away from them without providing long term treatment just produces another, and another, and another.  These women need so badly to be loved, they are so lonely.  I can see someone like Sheena (without proper intervention) trying to get pregnant, having the baby taken away, and then getting pregnant again, just to have a love object.  I can relate (even though it was 25 years ago that I wanted to have a baby so badly).

When I go to workshops at conferences on treatment for women with substance abuse problems, it breaks my heart.  There are almost no programs that really meet their needs in a way that would actually lead to prevention.  Colorado has a good program.  There is one here in Tucson that tries (with education about FAS prevention) but they only have these moms for 90 days.  That's part of the problem.  Dumping them back into the crappy environment is another part of the problem.  They need substitute families.  We need to recruit more foster families from churches maybe, but I could not recommend foster care to a friend, knowing the legal and liability issues of raising a child with hidden FASD.  The risk is so great, and I think as we raise awareness about FASD, there could be fewer families willing to take these kids.  Even folks like Bill and Joan Smith who do foster care said they will not take kids who are possible FASD.  And they still ended up with two of them who probably won't be going anywhere soon.

We discount children and mothers as not a priority.  We do not value foster families.  Our society only honors those who are smart and good looking and young - they have to be all three, or they are seen as losers.  My heart breaks for those who are lacking all three of these "qualities" - a large portion of our DD population fits this group.  At least they get services.  What about the aging alcoholic woman who everyone wishes would just hurry up and die?  The same people who degrade these women are the ones who glorify Alcohol as if it were the Answer to all, when it is truly the core of the problem.

The following message is one of many that have been shared by adoptive mothers who are understanding and supportive of the birth mothers of their adopted children with FASD:

I am an adoptive mom and, as I told the many social workers I have come in contact with, if you are looking for a "monster" to blame for the condition my children are in, do not look at me, do not look at the bio moms, the "monster" that caused their disabilities and subsequent difficulties come in a bottle in a brown paper bag, that is my bottom line! We didn't blame the moms who took Thalidomide, we understood they had trusted their Dr's and the pharmaceutical industry and paid a huge price as a result. When we look at Thalidomide babies we do not think "How could a mother do that to her baby", we somehow seemed to understand that the mother is a victim as well and instead we feel sympathy and compassion. I see alcohol as no different, I do not believe that a mother would deliberately do this to their child, either they didn't know, were given no or inadequate advice from their physician, were so addicted or affected themselves that they could not comprehend the consequences. By blaming the bio mom's we shroud this whole issue in shame and blame which accomplishes nothing but to allow the alcohol industry and the rest of society to smugly deny their part in this problem and deflect responsibility to the bio moms whose children have been diagnosed, while many others live in denial, and that will not accomplish the goal of prevention. --Vicki Pay