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Q: I am thinking about adopting a child whose mother drank alcohol during pregnancy. What questions should I ask. A: Here are some questions you can ask yourself. Take your time. 1. Are you ready to give up your life as you know it? Are you ready to spend hours upon hours learning about FAS and your child's special needs? 2.Are you prepared for friends and acquaintances to leave your life like rats abandoning a sinking ship? 3. Are you prepared to stop attending movies, concerts and other social situations, unless you can find childcare? 4. Are you ready to discover that finding daycare and respite for your child will sometimes be next to impossible? 5. If you take your child to said social events, are you ready to deal with the rages, hyperactivity and acting out that will come afterward? 6. Are you ready to care for a child who'll need constant supervision many years past the age of a non-affected child? 7. Are you prepared to deal with social workers, doctors, therapists and teachers who know little about FAS and don't want to take the time to learn? 8. Are you ready to go to bat for your child, stick up for them and work to educate everyone that they deal with on a daily basis, even if it earns you the reputation of being a bitch or an overly protective, neurotic mother? 9. Are you ready to install window locks and door locks and cabinet locks and motion alarms in your home in order to protect your child and your possessions? 10. Speaking of your home, are you prepared to never have a Martha Stewart house? Are you ready for holes in the walls, shredded wallpaper, broken windows, ripped down curtains, broken off doors; pencil, pen and crayon marks EVERYWHERE and absolutely no privacy unless you lock your possessions up with lock and key? 11. Have you ever tried to deal with a child who will need to be told 5 times to do something before they'll start to do it, only to be distracted 1/2 way there, have to be redirected at least 2 or 3 more times and then only do part of what you told them to do? Do you think you can handle said child without losing your mind or your self-control? 12. Are you prepared to have a child who will repeat the same misbehaviors over and over and over and over and over and over. and to find that no type or amount of discipline will make a difference? Are you ready for that to continue on into their teens and twenties? 13. Are you ready to be the object of attention when your child melts down in the middle of a store or restaurant? Are you ready for it to happen time and again? 14. Are you ready to watch your child struggle and suffer and try to keep up with his or her classmates and watch them be left behind? 15. Are you ready to go to bed at night, feeling exhausted and defeated. Are you ready to pray to God for help and cry yourself to sleep, only to get up the next day and do it all over again? 16. Last, but definitely not least, are you prepared to love that child with all of your heart and to have that heart broken every time they throw their arms around you, because you want to make it all better for them and know that you can't, no matter how hard you try? If, after reading the questions above, you feel capable of parenting an FAS child, all I can say is, "Welcome to the family. May the Lord keep His angels close by on your journey." -- Lori, Mom to 10 (9
adopted, 8 born drug and/or alcohol affected)
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